Monday, March 13, 2006

frustration

Very often people show appreciation for the little seva i do. It is nothing compared to the great souls who showed the world what real seva is. Someone i admire from the bottom of my heart is Bhagat Puran Singh.
When i visited Amritsar for the first time(2000) Pingalwara made a huge impression on me. During my illness in the following 3 years i was a lot in hospitalbeds (8 times) and on the sofa, thinking of Pingalwara, the real Golden Temple for me. The Golden Temple of Caring.
I wanted to work there, at least some time before my body was too weak.
So last November when i was in Amritsar again, i went there and was hoping to arrange things so my dream could come true.
They gave me the old room of Bibi Inderjit Kaur ( who i admire just as much as her spiritual father). I moved all my luggage and then... i started shivering. I mentioned this to some of the sevadars, they gave me some medicine. But in vain i started to have cold sweet and my teeth chattering. Oh no, not now, not here, i prayed.
But yes, i got ill and i panicked. Since i travel alone, i know i can only depend on myself if something happens. So i asked to go back to my familiar guesthouse. Some friendly sevadars brought me back.
I just fell in the bed, completely floored by fever. My sheets became soaking wet, i was coughing, tossing and turning...
Late in the afternoon next day i came out of the crisis and thanked God i survived.
I went to Darbar Sahib and couln't stop crying. I was so close to fullfilling my dream and once again my body let me down.
What did this mean?
What was God's plan with me?
I still don't know, but it gives a lot of frustration.
Maybe God wanted to give me a message about my fragile health?
Maybe he wanted to indicate i was more needed here in Belgium?
Maybe is Pingalwara a state of mind which can be practised everywhere.

But it still hurts...
I have to live with it that this seva was not meant for me.
At least not then... maybe... one day

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Waheguru

Do not fret dear one. Oh dear, sweet one.. Guru Jee's Hukam is amazingly beautiful, so perfectly, unbelievably sweet. In time, all in good time, you will be able to accept your kismat, Jeeo.

We need a Pingalwara nearly everywhere, and I am positive that you are just the one to begin such an effort where you are right now.. Guru Jee has blessed you with the Darsan of Darbar Saahib, and even of the place where Bhagat Puran Singh Jee did such amazing Sevaa.. He has bless you with inspiration, Pingalwara was your inspiration, and perhaps your Pingalwara will be the inspiration for this generation..

Oh lovely soul.. all will be well.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006 4:39:00 AM  
Anonymous ss said...

Waheguru

Hope all is good in Manpreet Kaur ji world.
ss

Wednesday, March 15, 2006 4:50:00 PM  
Blogger ss said...

Just thought I'd pop in and say hello as I havent heard from you for a while.

so "hello" :-)

ss

Thursday, March 23, 2006 9:27:00 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home