Tuesday, December 05, 2006


i live in this little provincial town in the middle of an agricultural area. Besides for all the fruits that are growing here, we are known to have a small military airport. And where are soldiers, there are women who make a living of entertaining (!?) these soldiers. So we have a notorious "Chaussee d'amour" where red light ladies are trying to get the attention of the drivers that pass this street on a very slow (even slower than me)pace to get a very good look of the assorted meat products in the windows.
I am not a child (anymore) so i realise that both the agriculture and the red light district are attraction poles for people. For men. For all kind of men. Even sikhs, sorry to say so.
Of course some of them prefer to spend their hard-earned money to give these ladies a living. And every time a turbanned head is entering these places it is the gossip of the town (at least of the sikh community)for a long time.

Why this long intro to get to my story? Maybe i am just looking for reasons to understand what happened to my daughter today.

She was having her lunch break and went into town to do some Sinterklaas shopping for the little princess (Sinterklaas is the original -sorry,guys- European Santa Claus, celebrated on the sixth of December).
An old shaggy sikh, with turban, came up to her.
"Oh maybe it is someone that mummy knows."she thought. And turned towards him and smiled. She should have been on her guard when she smelled alcohol. The dirty man made an even dirtier face and said only one word."Sex!"

In complete shock she crossed the street.
And now i am in shock too. i really feel very upset!
And i can not figure out what is upsetting me most. That my daughter is taken for a prostitute? Or that a sikh is behaving this way?

I am upset, because my daughter is a really nice girl. i am her mother and i feel very insulted that she is treated this way.
Especially because she is treated like this by a sikh!!!!

But she is a very wise girl too, she said to me:" But mummy, did you forget all the times when you came back from gurdwara in tears, because you find out what they were gossiping about you?"
Yes, i had forgotten, i wanted to forget. Illiterate rural people, fresh from the Punjab, very easily take the manners of a western woman as an invitation for their husbands.
I never ever defended me, i always assured myself that they, one day, find out of my integrity.
They did.

But now that this is concerning my daughter i just feel the urge growing to give this man an uppercut (with my little rheumahands) he will never forget.

Oh God, he has to conquer lust and i have to conquer anger.
So give strength to both of us...
But a little more strength to him, because my anger will disappear very soon, but his... i doubt it.


Blogger Hari Singh said...

I am sorry to hear that such a thing can even happen in a calm rural area. What a shame! All the moral values appear to have disappeared from the modern world - doesn't matter where you live.

Also, it is clear that only a turban doesn't make a person a Sikh; his behaviour and ways are also very important.

May Waheguru continue to protect you and your family.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006 6:17:00 AM  
Blogger upinder kaur said...

I can understand how you are feeling.It really hurts when it comes from someone you are supposed to trust!
We as sikhs know what gurbani teaches and this kind of behaviour by another sikh makes my head hang in shame as well as makes my blood boil.
This kind of problem is more common in India!Over the time we have learnt not to take any one on face value...
I personally used to get very disturbed by such incidents but now I have learnt to say the short prayer as you said in the end!
Slowly God has helped me to overcome my anger and now I don't bother about what happens at other end as Lord will take care I am confident...
ਕਰਮੀ ਆਪੋ ਆਪਣੀ ਕੇ ਨੇੜੈ ਕੇ ਦੂਰਿ ॥

Wednesday, December 06, 2006 11:48:00 AM  
Anonymous satvinder said...

I'm so sorry that your daughter experienced this bhenji. I'm too sadenned to even express my anger. Sometimes it really does feel like there are fewer and fewer people who practice morality.

waheguru ji.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006 5:27:00 PM  
Blogger Prabhu Singh said...

As offensive as it is, I can't help but laugh a little bit, at how dirty and stupid that guy is. I can't believe he'd make a dirty face and just say the word 'sex.' It's so gross and offensive and stupid, but just saying one word seems kind of funny to me. I'm sure if I was on the receiving end of this I'd be very upset as well. I'm still offended by it, but since I'm so far removed it seems a little humorous at how stupid the guy is. For some reason things that are so ridiculously stupid make me laugh. Sorry that I find humor in the situation. I also find it disgusting and would have really nailed that guy to the wall if I was there. Believe me, I won't tolerate disrespect of women, my mataji taught me otherwise!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006 6:08:00 PM  
Blogger Harkiran Kaur said...

WOW! Sorry to hear that you were subject of gossips amongst some insecure women, kindaa knows how it feels like and sorry to hear about what happened with your daughter. It tells us that not every man or woman in turban is walking roop of Guru!

Monday, December 11, 2006 12:25:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sorry to hear about this particular incident. Always wondered why men don't think they are on this earth because a mother gave birth to them.
As a human being you are ought to respect every other human being.
We are human beings and we should value other being just as we want to be valued.

Monday, December 11, 2006 7:26:00 PM  
Blogger manpreet kaur said...


Thanks to everyone for your support! My daughter and me, we went through a full scala of emotions. After the first reactions (which you read about in the post), we became mild again. How desperate and lonely someone has to be to behave like this.
How out of control someone becomes after dwelling in Europe without family, that you approach any stranger on the street.
It is so bitter, it is not only Kam, it is loneliness, it is losing all dignity...
After Prabhu Ji's comment we tried to see it a little humorous, but sorry, it is not working for us...

So hopfully this man soon finds his real roots back... let him be in our prayers.

Monday, December 11, 2006 7:57:00 PM  
Anonymous singhu said...


It is really shame and upsetting. Hope you are OK with is kirpa. I recall Yogi Jee bachan, Either become a true sikh or leave sikh religion and go into other religion. These people are just dishonoring the beauty of sikhi. And Benji,try not to refer these people even as sikhs. (even many people claim and looks sikh in outer appearances) Waheguru...Waheguru...

Tuesday, December 12, 2006 5:13:00 AM  
Blogger Prabhu Singh said...

I think because I'm a man I would never feel threatened by such a situation and I think either tv or movies has made dirty old men seem funny. I know if I was there I wouldn't have thought it was funny at all. I would have stood up for your daughter and literally put that guy against the wall. I'll always stand for the honor, grace and dignity of women!
I hope you are feeling better and your daughter has not lost respect for all Sikhs.
Sat Naam.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006 9:39:00 PM  
Blogger SikhsRus said...

I am sorry to hear this as well. It is embarrassing when actions of few put a burden on the whole community, and not only locally, but globally. Sadly, this cruel World including media judges by the actions of few like Osama bin Laden = Islam. I say, you write a letter and speak to the nearby Gurdwara(s) members (both men and women) telling them how it affects the community as a whole (especially Sikh image in post 9/11 environment) and wish they would make sure he is talked to and shunned in some manner or another or made to stand up and appologize if he visits the local Gurdwara. I would not sit quiet and let it go. This guy is not helping the community in any ways such as French Religious covering ban in schools etc. I wish theer were more and more role moodels than these kind of idiots. I don't know who to blame for his stupid behavior; bollywood, hollywood, Indian educational system for not teaching him proper Sikhi, or his parents or Sikh society as a whole. It is sad, that they do these things with turbans on and bring shame to us all. I think you will also gain a lot of respect in the community as well.

Sunday, January 07, 2007 1:19:00 AM  

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